pokemon crystal review!

     I'm torn as to say whether Pokemon Crystal was a step in the right or wrong direction from Pokemon Red (or generation one in general). And where I end up is almost complete neutrality. In some areas, Pokemon Crystal has given me hope that the designers of Pokemon are listening to their fans and making the correct changes. But for every positive change they make, it seems like they make an equally negative change. Let's get into it, shall we?

No. He didn't. He played Goldeneye and Smash Bros. at his friend's house sometimes, but that was it. So far, bad start.

     First, let's talk about the addition of Pokemon. This was something that I was very skeptical about. There are 150 original Pokemon, and that's already a lot. So many team combinations and such. So when I saw that they had added 100 more, I was wondering if that was even necessary, especially when I saw that so many of them were so uncreative. Granted, a portion of the original Pokemon weren't that creative either, but they were just so fun. Bulbasaur is inspired. So I started up my game and picked up a Chikorita. I picked it because it appears in Smash Bros. Melee. Sadly, Chikorita just doesn't have the inspiration that Bulbasaur had.

A banana, a bay leaf, and a...umm...well there's a flower and antennae...

     Like a lot of new Pokemon, the creatures were either too closely related to existing creatures or too plan and unoriginal. Chikorita is a blob with a leaf on its head that grows up into a miniature dinosaur, but wasn't that the point of Bulbasaur? Now we're just repeating ourselves. But as I started to play, I found that while a lot of the new pokemon felt like the same old thing, I found it somewhat relieving to find new Pokemon since it distinguishes the game from the previous one. If I were still finding pidgeys, ratattas, and caterpies, I'd be essentially playing the same game. So while I'm not really a fan of many of the new Pokemon, I appreciate the change.

Wild Sadbear doesn't want to fight. Wild Sadbear wants to talk about his feelings and the fact that he has a target on his stomach.

     So what about the story? Is it new? Is it unique? Is it amazing!? No, not really. It's basically the same as the first generation. You're a kid that gets his first Pokemon and sets off to become a Pokemon Master and catch 'em all. It seems neat at first because the gyms aren't all "I use rock-type! Please don't bring your water doods and pwn us!" but at the same time, now they're a "flying-type" gym, which still has a definite weakness. But at least the weaknesses aren't so obvious. I still can't remember all the weaknesses. More types have been combined in this Pokemon and I just can't remember them all until I get hit by something. "Ohh, riiiight, fighting is weak against flying!" I always try to build a team that has a strength to all types of Pokemon, but this game really stresses that there are a ton of different types and combinations, so I get lost often and find out that all it takes is one fire-type and my whole team is going down hard.

     In some regards, the story is better. There's more going on with Team Rocket, who is trying to stay alive despite the fall of their leader, plus there are several side stories happening, but the main story is probably even less than the prior game. There's no Gary/Blue/Rival in this one. No, instead there's a kid who stole a Pokemon and just likes to be evil and fight people with his powerful Pokemon. At least before it was Ash vs Gary and both were striving to be the best Pokemon trainer in the world. But the rival in this game just kinda pops up, sometimes fighting you, sometimes not, and then he leaves. So again, it's kind of a wash in terms of being better or worse than generation one. One thing I will say that I enjoyed, however, was that after you beat the game, you have the option to go back to the generation one region of Kanto and challenge the original eight gym leaders, plus you can find Ash and fight his insanely powerful Pokemon. It's a definitely great after-plot with powerful fights, even though the original trainers all seem pretty weak after you've already defeated the Elite 4.

We're not any stronger out in Johto. I'm the guy that beat the Elite 4. Ofcourse I can beat you with my Magneton tied behind my back.

     One thing this game added was the idea of "holdable items." You can give your Pokemon some items that they can hold, some of which act as accessories and some that act as healing items to either cure status or health. It's a nice addition, though I rarely gave my Pokemon non-accessory-like items to hold. It seems that if I give them something to cure poison, then they'll use it when they get poisoned by a bug-type pokemon, then after they're cured, they...get poisoned again. So it really seemed to me like a way to waste a ton of money by buying tons of items to hold and have used up instead of my normal strategy of "Suck It Up, Pokeslave!" It seemed like I was always curing Pokemon outside of battle just like before, so there isn't a ton gained from that. But still, the few accessory-like items I found were helpful, like the Quick Claw that gives you a better chance to strike first or the Exp. Share, which has changed from generation one and instead of being completely pointless, it is absolutely awesome. It can really help a low-level Pokemon level-up without requiring the normal start-and-swap method that is so time-consuming and detrimental to your Pokemon's health.

All your EXP are belong to Pupitar!

     Okay, now for the best and worst changes in Pokemon: Generation 2. The best change for a technical (see: crazy) person like myself: Pokemon abilities don't (all) require that you go into the menu to use them. Yes, it's true, you no longer have to go to your menu to use all those dang HMs. Something you can cut? Just examine it and it'll ask you if you want to use Cut! Yes! Want to use Surf? Talk to the water! Yes! This is what I meant before when I said that they were listening to the fans, because although I never said anything to 'em, that was my biggest gripe with the original game. I hated going into my menu every time I wanted cut something or use Strength or whatever. Sure, you still need to do it for Flash, but that's only one, rarely-used HM.

YESSIR I DO!

     And now for my biggest gripe with Pokemon Crystal, and it's again related to HMs. They improved them so much by just not making us open up the menu, find our Cutter/Surfer/Strengther/Whateverer, but know what they also did? They added more HMs! If you read my review for Pokemon Red, then you'll know that I didn't care for HMs much and I just made a Pokeslave out of my one-of-a-kind Lickitung. Well now, there are more HMs! Not just the five, but now a pointless Waterfall and Whirlpool HM!

So...7 now? Really? Really, Pokemon, really? As if Flash wasn't useless enough?

     Again, I appreciate that HMs can help delay your progress through the game and direct you where to go. "You can't go here, you need to be able to go up waterfalls to go here, silly!" But seriously, there weren't enough ways to limit this? I wouldn't have a problem with this if I were using HMs on my useless character--

Okay, maybe the jetback is asking too much. . . .

     --but each of my Pokemon can only hold four moves. If I'm carting around 7 HMs all the time, then of 24 possible moves, I'm down to only 17. Plus, only certain Pokemon can use certain HMs, so I basically have to choose my team around who's carting around these abilities. Maybe it was intended for you to take certain Pokemon to certain areas or limit your capabilities, but that really removes a lot of the fun for me. I'm trying to make one team that's capable of taking on any type of Pokemon; that's fun for me. But now, I'm severely handicapped in what kind of team I can put together. Sure, a lot of HMs were improved to be some of the best attacks now. I believe the game says that Surf is the best water-based attack, which is fine, but if that's true, then why have any other water attacks? They're taking out the customization-aspect of the game. Maybe you're expected to have "traveling Pokemon" and "gym-fighting Pokemon" or something, but that's not how I like to play.

     One final area of vast improvement was in the item-carrying abilities. There aren't limits anymore. No more "You found something awesome, but you can't hold any more items!" and needing to stash it in your box. Now they've sorted the item menu into categories or "pockets" and you can carry as much as you want. Easy to find, no limits to what I can carry? Thank you, Pokegods.

Uh huh huh huh. Balls Pocket.

     There is a lot of complexity that has been added to this game, including "happiness" and "breeding" and so many insane concepts that I just try not to even touch. Pokemon was always a timesink, but now Pokemon has gone to a new level of soul-absorbing. Maybe some people really like the idea of always being able to improve and challenge their friends by finding that perfect Pikachu with the right stats, but that just seems like way too much to me. There are even time-critical events in this game, and by that I mean real time. Some Pokemon can only be caught at night and you can only use the boat on Wednesdays and weird things like that. Maybe somebody finds it fun, but I find it annoying. Some people can only play at night or only during the day because they're busy or their parents don't let them play unless their homework is done or whatever, and kids shouldn't be penalized for having a schedule. "But Mom! If I don't play today, then I have to wait a week to get to Kanto!" They're just proving with this game that Pokemon is not a game, it's a way of life. If you don't live and breathe Pokemon, then you're doing it wrong!

     There's so much I can say about the tiny, tedious aspects of Pokemon: Generation 2, but I'll sum it up as follows: If you enjoy spending long periods of time trying to master something and are able to play the game at any and all times of day, then you'll like this, and I won't judge you (much). For me though, as an avid "anti-grinder" and anti-time-waster, I just can't do all of these things, so a lot of the additions they made are probably great for some people, but not for me. It might help if I had friends to play Pokemon against, but if I did have somebody to play against, I still wouldn't be breeding to get that perfect Pokemon, catching all 250 Pokemon, grinding them all to level 100, or going to hell and back to get one friggin fire stone to evolve my dang Growlithe oh my God why are they so rare I just wanted a decent fire-type Pokemon is that so much to ask!?! No, instead I would just play against my friend and whenever they win, I'll just tell them that they won because I have a life, and they are nerds. And when I win, I will just say "face!" and punch them in the stomach...because they're still nerds.

7/10 Pokemon Caught
3/10 Broke Free!

This is Sudowoodo. I know where the creators got their inspiration for him. Okay, have you ever eaten corn and...y'know...after? Well, now think "peas."